I'm in France and I'm scared out of my mind.
So, 2 dramamines, some vodka, a long plane ride and a few train rides later, here I am. I knew speaking French was going to be tough, but I am realizing how bad I actually am at it. I know it's going to get easier, but right now, I am so freaked out it's not even funny. If I had my way I'd be right back on the next train to Paris catching a flight back to the States tonight. I'm in this internet café where the keyboards are organized totally differently from U.S. keyboards, and all of the websites except facebook and wiscmail come up in French even when they are supposedly English sites. My host mom isn't so much a mom as a woman who is letting me sleep in her 6-year-old daughter's room for 6 weeks. I feel like I am just an inconvenience for her. Tomorrow I might ask if I can change to live with an actual family. Lynda is very nice, but I don't know if living with her will work out. I am basically a wreck right now choking back tears each second. Hopefully I can sleep well tonight and will be more confident and okay in the morning.
On to happier things... I've already seen 3 people walking bichon frisès or poodles, one of them was carrying a baguette under his arm. Welcome to France. On my flight over I sat next to a really nice French guy, Gregory, in his late 20s. He's from Normandy, but lives in Chicago. He got me through customs in Paris without waiting at all, then helped me find the right trains to take. He rode with me until we had to go our separate ways. I got his Chicago address though, and will probably talk to him once I'm back in Madison. Tomorrow should be better. I think I'm just tired and scared. Bad combination. I hope things get better!!! Until tomorrow... Adieu!
posted by MELB @ 6:45 PM
4 Comments:
Keep your chin up. You're having an adventure that you will remember for the rest of your life. Make the most of it! Best wishes.
I happened across your blog entirely by accident but I can really relate to what you're going through.
When I was about your age (a lo-o-n-n-g -g time ago) I also went to live in France briefly with just a tad of high school French that was already 4-years-of-college rusty under my belt. Unlike you, however, I was living with other Americans. On a farm just a bit NW of Paris. I rarely was in a situation where I actually was forced to speak French. Consequently, I didn't learn any.
Some 30 years later I decided to correct that serious error of judgment. I've been taking French classes in Los Angeles community colleges for the last 4 years. And, due, I suppose, to a partially calcified brain and a lack of opportunity to speak (that is to say, to be forced to speak) French, my abilities remain stilted, academic and constructed.
Be brave, which is to say be open. Assume everything that seems hostile and indifferent is merely different because that's really so much closer to the truth. A smile and a willingness to join in will go a long way. As will simple phrases like "je suis debutante", "avec votre patience, j'essaie", "merci pour m'aider de le dire en français" and "j'adore apprendre la façon français pour faire ça".
You don't say where you are. But outside of the rushed atmosphere of Paris you'll be better off. People will have time to see the effort you make and how you grow and they'll respond to that.
Meanwhile, if you need encouragement, don't hesitate to drop me un courrielle. I know how genuinely scary it is, but, if it helps to know it, I'd change places with you in a heartbeat and be so grateful to be able to. ;>
Courage, ma petite!
Yeap you in a place a lot of people dreamt of being in, enjoy every seconds.... random blog surfer..
I love you and I miss you.
Hang in there my love.
-B
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